Вчерашний вечер выдался крайне продуктивным. Сорок минут бега и еще километров 5 пешком по району. Люблю двигаться. Скорей бы настала весна и потеплело. От велосипеда/роликов/кроссовок меня будет просто не оторвать.

Лечение таблетками я решила прервать, потому что сил нет пихать в себя всякую химию. К тому же, как это ни грустно, я поправилась на 4 кг за этот месяц! Так что к черту. Не для того я прошлым летом проливала пот часами, чтобы снова набрать ту же массу из-за побочных эффектов от лекарств.
К тому же, моя депрессия подошла к концу. Прошлое отошло на другой план. Я понимаю, что большая часть из того, о чем переживала, было просто придуманно и приукрашенно в моей голове.
(all of a sudden decided to switch to English)

At the moment I understand aproxemetly how Dave felt like when I loved him. I hate feeling guilty for unability to share one's sympathy, but for me there is no other option. I just don't care about the person…
That awkward sense when you have no idea how to react on someone's love for you. Now I realy NAILED IT why Dave tried to ignore or avoid me. It was some kind of self-protection.
Sadly, but now I act the same with regard to my admirers. They are only two, but it's nearly ENOUGH.
Discomfort surroooounds meee.
The most tragic thing is that those two boys will never get their way (no possibility for reciprocity in here). So, personally I just need to wait until they cool down and find someone new.

The same is with Andzh. I acted like Andrey is doing now - said "allright, I understand that we can't be together, bye" and after a week wrote him again :D It was (and still is) ridiculous. But luckily, this situation is not interminable.
(Although I feel disgusted about my current behavior, because it seems that he still feels something for me, but I have already started searshing for a new guy)

Yes, by the way, talking about guys - Yakovlev was completely right when advised me to write an ideal person's descriprion. Since yesterday (when I made the list) I feel more confident about what I want and what I am looking for. The word that appears in my mind while either scrolling down the list of hundreds of boys on the Net or walking down the street staring at the crowd passing by is "alpha". I need an ALPHA.

But there are some difficulties - 1) it seems that the ALPHA don't appreciate me. 2) normal boys subsonciously feel my bisexual aura (the last conversation with Raivis proved that - he said that to me)

Yep. That how it is.
Today is a lazy day. I will have to start doind my homework in some hours. Meh.